Taking a Break With Elder Humor
An elder law attorney in Dallas, Texas, Michael Cohen, broadcasts on his web site, www.dallaselderlawyer.com, a feature called “Senior Humor.” Considering the seriousness of the world we live today, it is a welcome relief.
Some years ago I wrote about Mike in the Daily Local News and, shortly after the column was published, our phone rang with questions from his office. Who was I? What did I want to do with the stories. We laughed. Since then, Mike and I came to know each other at the National Unprogram in Grapevine, Texas, sponsored by the National Academy of Elder Law Attorneys (NAELA) to which we both belong. We continue to share stories.
Mike’s humor originates with his “Grandma Gussie” series. Grandma Gussie was his wife’s grandmother who unfortunately died in June, 2008 at the age of 107. He says that some of his stories are true and some, as my daughter would say, are “just kidding.”
Here, with subtitles and some paraphrasing are some of the Grandma Gussie stories. The idea is how to keep having fun no matter what the day might bring.
Grandma Gussie acts as concerned consumer. Grandma Gussie, Attorney Cohen notes, always believed she would live a long life. A few years ago at age 102, she purchased a new, but off-brand sewing machine. On examining her purchase she exclaimed “Where’s the warranty?” Her daughter responded, “Why do you care? It is a 25 year warranty.” Gussie replied, “How do I know the company will be in business that long?”
Grandma Gussie makes a future promise. Grandma Gussie always believed that she would lead a long life. Some time back while visiting her daughter, Barbara, Attorney Cohen’s mother-in-law, Gussie’s daughter began to complain. Barbara, a widow herself who knew that her children were moving far from her, wailed, “Who will visit me when I die? Who will come to my grave?” Gussie, without hesitation, quipped. “I will!”
Gussie’s relatives are long lived. One of Grandma Gussie’s relatives visited an estate planning attorney in California. The relative was 67 years old and the lawyer assumed that the client’s parents were deceased. “When did you say your father died?” the lawyer asked. The relative responded “Did I say my father died? My father is 87 years old and is in perfectly good health.” The attorney, figuring on a certain assumption this time, replied. “Excuse me. When did you say your grandfather died?” The client indignantly responded. “Did I say my grandfather died? My grandfather is 107 years old, is in good health and, in fact, just recently married.” The astonished lawyer asked, “Why would a 107 year old man want to get married?” The client relative responded, “Did I say he wanted to get married?”
Grandma Gussie violates the speed limit. Grandma Gussie was driving down Interstate 30 in Texas with a group of her older friends. A police officer pulled her over and noted that she was driving below the speed limit on an Interstate Highway. Gussie answered, “I was only going the posted speed limit of 30 miles per hour. The officer noted that 30 was not the speed limit but the number of the highway. Since some of the passengers seemed disturbed, the officer assured them. “I did not mean to scare you, ladies, by threatening to give a ticket.” “Officer,” they answered, “Gussie just got off Interstate 95!”
A personal story. Finally, this story is not a Grandma Gussie story but one of my own. Years ago when I was much younger and practiced as a bicycle accident lawyer and sometimes in other fields of law, in this case, defense of personal injury cases for insurance companies, I questioned some witnesses who were passengers in a car struck in a minor motor vehicle accident. The questions were very basic, as a bicycle accident lawyer would ask. None of the lady occupants of the car could have been under 70 years old.
The young soft spoken man who struck their car could not have been older than 25 and, before the deposition, it was generally assumed that he had been speeding as young people would and that the accident (check this Source for injury cases) was his fault.
I was ready to end the questioning when, without knowing why, I asked one of the women, “What was the last thing you remember anyone in the car saying before you proceeded into the intersection and were hit.” The woman sheepishly replied. “Someone in the back seat said ‘Do you think we can make it?’” Grandma Gussie would have been proud.
About the Author Janet Colliton
Esquire, Colliton Law Associates, P.C. Janet Colliton has practiced law for over 38 years, 37 of them in Chester County, Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia. Her practice, Colliton Law Associates, PC, is limited to elder law, Medicaid, including advice, applications and appeals, and other benefits planning including Veterans benefits, life care and special needs planning, guardianships, retirement, and estate planning and administration.