Resources, advice available online for adult children
While researching other subjects, from time to time I stumble on an online reference or publication that can help readers dealing with senior subjects and long-term care.
One such “find” recently is the website www.caring.com that I found while reading up on current interviews conducted with attorney Jeff Marshall.
Marshall is the founding partner of Marshall, Parker & Associates LLC, an elder law firm in Williamsport and Jersey Shore, Pa., and he is probably the best elder law attorney in Pennsylvania, having authored the resource, “Elder Law in Pennsylvania,” and serving as president of the board of the Pennsylvania Association of Elder Law Attorneys. He is also an elder law attorney friend and associate.
The article that originally piqued my curiosity and eventually led to the www.caring.com site is called “Sibling wars: How to share financial responsibility for Mom.”
You might guess the substance of the article from the title. You can easily find it by Googling “Reuters blog Sibling.”
The premise is that crises with parents tend to bring out the old sibling feelings, rivalries and concerns. I could not agree more. While the article did not specifically say so, it is not unusual to see patterns formed in earlier years returning when a parent takes ill or needs help.
What the article did say is that the old responses often need to be silenced in order to focus on the best interest of the parent.
Its words were “Mom’s favorite? Black sheep? Baby of the brood?
“Experts say it’s crucial for families not to fall into prescribed roles. Instead, focus on the parent and ensure the discussion is about facts and not feelings … Take any of your pre-conceived notions about your siblings out of the discussion and be very frank about the facts …”
Conference calls among siblings are recommended to discuss financial options.
Conference calls and meetings, by the way, are techniques our office uses to bring families together and jointly arrive at resolution of problems. It is better, when possible, to be open, up front and honest to arrive at a result rather than to try to describe what was done later.
Obviously, this cannot be done in every case but, when it is, the synergy of working together usually makes a stronger plan.
Marshall recommends that families meet with a professional to sketch a plan at least five years in advance of the need. Parents also need to set the stage early.
“The first step, and probably the most critical, is for the parent to establish which child will have power of attorney and in what capacity.”
The article further described that, in order to avoid conflict, parents should sit down with their children and state who has been appointed and why. The person given power of attorney often needs as much help and support as the parent.
All of this led to my noting the comment at the end of the article from www.caring.com advising how this website handles caregiving and stress.
So, in a circuitous way, I came to know this combination of medical advice, a “Dear Abby” for caregivers (there is more than one online expert dishing advice), links to other sites, in home care and nursing home care directories, and just about anything that a caregiver would want to know.
Here are some of the recent questions.
“Dad’s caregiver is after his money — but he thinks it’s true love.”
“Can we contract Mom’s caregiver to be Dad’s, too?”
“Should I go to Dad’s funeral even if my family says I’m not welcome?”
Obviously, these include some gut-wrenching questions and, while there may not be a single “right” answer, the discussion itself could be helpful. It also highlights preconceptions.
For medical issues, if you click Alzheimer’s as one example, under “Common Caregiving Concerns,” the site addresses “Who is at Risk,” as well as the stages, symptoms, causes, “How to Provide Alzheimer’s Support from a Distance,” and “Recording and Managing Medications.”
The www.caring.com website also has links to driving requirements in the 50 states, a newsroom, an extensive question-and-answer section on diseases and medications that allows input by visitors, and too many additional features to note here. The important point to recognize is that, for caregivers today, it is not necessary to be alone even when the only serious daily contact might be an online connection.
About the Author Janet Colliton
Esquire, Colliton Law Associates, P.C. Janet Colliton has practiced law for over 38 years, 37 of them in Chester County, Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia. Her practice, Colliton Law Associates, PC, is limited to elder law, Medicaid, including advice, applications and appeals, and other benefits planning including Veterans benefits, life care and special needs planning, guardianships, retirement, and estate planning and administration.