Giving Thanks and Getting Help for Thanksgiving
The turkey is in the oven and you are ready to join the madness of Black Friday shopping or maybe you decided to avoid the rush and try to relax at home. The operative expression is “try” to relax if you are a caregiver for an elderly or disabled family member. You might even be standing in for more than one person who needs your help.
When everyone is gathered around the table, it may or may not become clear that someone needs assistance and that person may or may not be the senior or disabled person. It may be the caregiver. I have seen persons who are being cared for looking more relaxed and rested than the caregiver.
Women especially seem to try to fit everything in – the shopping, the baking, the last minute trips to the supermarket, the scheduling – although many husbands and fathers chip in too. So, what can be done when it seems that you are the only one who notices that the multiple jobs you are handling are or soon could become overwhelming? This is the time for discussion. It could be the time to ask for help from many sources including possibly other family members.
Thanksgiving, Christmas and the related holidays are ideal times to assess where families stand and their needs when it comes to caring for frail, disabled and at-risk loved ones.
When families live at a distance, this may be the only opportunity to focus on needs. Here are some issues to consider.
Financial. Caring for aging and disabled family members may cause a severe financial strain for caregivers. They may give up jobs, construct additions to their homes (Get More Info here), or hire privately paid caregivers. Sometimes additional expenses come from their parents’ funds. Sometimes from theirs. They might pay their parents’ bills or their parents might contribute to household expenses. There are almost as many different financial arrangements as there are families but it is critically important that the terms be spelled out in a written agreement in advance and understood.
If there is a written Family Agreement, then it can be made clear that certain funds are contributed for certain purposes such as rent, contribution toward construction for the parents’ benefit, reimbursement of expenses, or personal services for care. Arrangements can be made even with family members who are not active caregivers. They might, for instance, contribute to the cost of privately-paid in-home care. Our office drafts agreements where funds that are contributed by family members can be repaid on the sale of a parents’ home. All agreements must be done in writing in advance or, at a later date, repayment could be considered a gift and jeopardize a parent’s ability to receive medical care under Medicaid.
If caregivers do not have this conversation with their family during holidays, the opportunity might not arise again before there is a crisis. Family caregivers should be encouraged to share their experiences in confidence so that their extended family understands.
Legal Issues. There should be powers of attorney to cover both financial and health care. A properly drafted health care power gives the holder the authority to obtain medical information and discuss progress with doctors and other medical professionals. It does not override the decision-making of the person who gave the power. A living will or advance healthcare directive might also be considered.
Wills are important and beneficiary designations for IRA’s, 401(k)’s and retirement funds, titling, and beneficiaries of life insurance. These should be addressed while parents are still well and able to discuss these issues with all their children.
Plan for Care. As a society, we plan college, weddings, moves to new locations. We can plan what we would like to do if we stay healthy and what our contingency plan is if we do not. Discussion in advance helps. Do aging and disabled family members prefer to move to personal care or to a continuing care community or to bring in caregivers for extended care, for instance, and how will future living arrangements be paid?
No one wants to lose her health but everyone, even healthy young people, need sometimes to consider what they would want if their first plans do not work. Planning ahead is for everyone. Happy Thanksgiving!
About the Author Janet Colliton
Esquire, Colliton Law Associates, P.C. Janet Colliton has practiced law for over 38 years, 37 of them in Chester County, Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia. Her practice, Colliton Law Associates, PC, is limited to elder law, Medicaid, including advice, applications and appeals, and other benefits planning including Veterans benefits, life care and special needs planning, guardianships, retirement, and estate planning and administration.