{"id":667,"date":"2008-08-11T00:00:53","date_gmt":"2008-08-11T00:00:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/collitonlaw.com\/?p=667"},"modified":"2022-08-31T01:11:58","modified_gmt":"2022-08-31T05:11:58","slug":"wealthy-parents-need-to-leave-behind-more-than-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/collitonlaw.com\/wealthy-parents-need-to-leave-behind-more-than-money\/","title":{"rendered":"Wealthy Parents Need To Leave Behind More Than Money"},"content":{"rendered":"

Robert Frank, author of \u201cThe Wealth Report,\u201d an on-line column at the Wall<\/i> Street Journal<\/i>, published a commentary on May 12, 2008 titled \u201c10 Things the Wealthy Should Leave Their Kids \u2013 Besides Money. \u201c\u00a0 The reference was cited by Neil Hendershot, a noted Harrisburg estate planning attorney, in his August 6, 2008 Pennsylvania Elder, Estate and Fiduciary Blog, at paelderestatefiduciary.blogspot.com<\/a> , in a posting titled \u201cCaring, Responsible (Wealthy) Children.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 The obvious premise is that money does not solve all of the world\u2019s problems or even all problems of the individuals who inherit.\u00a0 Actually, in my experience, I have seen problems generated by money that would never have surfaced without it.\u00a0 For some, the proverbial glass is always \u201chalf empty\u201d and not \u201chalf full.\u201d<\/p>\n

Returning to the \u201c10 Things\u201d allusion, Frank was referencing a list of \u201c10 Elements of Care\u201d developed by Peter White, a man who has worked with Citi Private Bank and U.S. Trust and spent the last twenty years of his life counseling wealthy parents and children about potential adverse effects of wealth and how to lead meaningful lives. You can also look into this weblink<\/a> to know more about it. White\u2019s list is not just for the wealthy but also for anyone who wants to know what is important to leave behind for their children.\u00a0 Here are Peter White\u2019s \u201c10 Elements of Care.\u201d<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 Necessaries — <\/b> \u00a0food, clothing, shelter, medical attention, basic education.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 Affection \u2013 <\/b>This involves \u201cthe great big person who takes care of me opening him or herself to me and making him or herself vulnerable and human in a way, connecting with me physically and in spirit, and thus <affirming> my significance as a person.\u201d<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 Affirmation and <\/b> Support<\/b> \u2013 <\/b>This is basically about expressing sincere belief in the child.\u00a0 You want to be a cheerleader –\u2026a doctor or an astronaut\u2026you can do it!\u201d<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 Boundaries \u2013 <\/b>We are living in an age where the lack of boundaries for children has reached epidemic proportions.\u00a0 Boundaries reflect a closing value \u2013 \u2026 certain reasonably well-defined behaviors are unacceptable and\u2026 when these behaviors occur, unpleasant consequences will result.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 Guidance \u2013 <\/b>Telling and showing children how to cope, how to deal, how to create, how to succeed… at essence, guidance is about beliefs \u2013 belief in the sense of action motivated and circumscribed by values held by the parents.\u00a0 In the wealth context, guidance on budgeting is essential and guidance on philanthropy, which may come from participating in family philanthropy together as a group\u2026\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6.\u00a0 Respect \u2013 \u2026<\/b> \u201cIt is respectful to listen seriously to what the other person is saying seriously and to empathize with what the other is feeling genuinely.\u201d<\/p>\n

7.\u00a0 Trust \u2013 \u201c<\/b>This means relying on the other to act responsibly.\u201d\u00a0 It may mean <allowing> someone the opportunity to do the wrong thing.<\/p>\n

8.\u00a0 Forgiveness \u2013 <\/b>This is not about the glib \u2018I forgive you.\u2019\u00a0 Forgiveness does not erase the hurt; by definition, it feels the hurt but decides to carry on the relationship despite the hurt.<\/p>\n

9.\u00a0 Religion or Spirituality \u2013 <\/b> White says \u201cMy experience over the last 20 years tells me that children raised in an environment of religion tend to be more in touch with themselves than those who are not.\u00a0 When I use the word religion, I am not referring only to the organized religions \u2013 though I am not excluding them either \u2013 but I am speaking about an aspiration to higher and enduring truth.\u201d<\/p>\n

10.\u00a0 Letting Go \u2013 <\/b>This, according to White, is the most difficult and, along with Necessaries and Affection, the most important.\u00a0 \u201cWe must say to our kids, \u2018I\u2019ve done the lion\u2019s share of the motherly or fatherly work, and I\u2019m here and will be here for you as long as I can be, but the responsibility for you is now yours.\u2019\u00a0 \u201cSo many entrepreneurs,\u201d he comments, \u201cdon\u2019t like what they see when their kids turn 21 and now they\u2019ve got time to fix it; but, generally speaking, they shouldn\u2019t fix it\u2026 This is love: resisting the temptation to take care of\u00a0 people who should be taking care of themselves.\u201d<\/p>\n

I would add some final thoughts.\u00a0 In some families, cash legacies may be used as a substitute for one or more of the \u201c10 Elements of Care\u201d and children, in arguing over estates, may be arguing over love.\u00a0 Adult children whose parents did not give them the full\u00a0 \u201c10 Elements of Care\u201d can, with greater knowledge and understanding, offer them to their own children and, by so doing, leave the world a better place.<\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Robert Frank, author of \u201cThe Wealth Report,\u201d an on-line column at the Wall Street Journal, published a commentary on May 12, 2008 titled \u201c10 Things the Wealthy Should Leave Their Kids \u2013 Besides Money. \u201c\u00a0 The reference was cited by Neil Hendershot, a noted Harrisburg estate planning attorney, in his August 6, 2008 Pennsylvania Elder, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[181],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nWealthy Parents Need To Leave Behind More Than Money -<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" 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