Manchester By the Sea Movie – Lessons for Planning Estates
From time to time I break from the usual serious elder law issues and engage in one of my favorite pursuits – reviewing movies. Still I cannot separate what I do from what I see in movies. I would bet that doctors have the same inclination. I know my cousin, Pat, who is retired as a doctor of internal medicine felt it. Years ago when we saw the movie “Coma” together she exclaimed frequently “you couldn’t have a reading like that. You would be dead!”
I have also delved into some estate planning issues in the same way looking at them through the prism of my work experience. One of my recent movie reviews was for “The Descendants” with George Clooney where end of life and inheritance issues took center stage.
Now, there is another movie that made me think and it actually was a little more grim than “The Descendants.” It is “Manchester By the Sea.” So this does not act as a spoiler I will try not to give away much of the plot and none of the ending and only focus on what interests me as an elder law attorney. Here goes.
First. If I were seeing this movie for the first time as an average person and not even as an elder law attorney one thought I might carry back is that someone with a serious illness should really, if he can, set up a pre-need agreement with a funeral home or make other specific plans to handle final arrangements. The trauma faced by a family, not to mention the time involved, figuring where the costs would come from, and struggling with the emotions, not knowing what their loved one would want and not knowing how to bring family and friends together can be too much. This was not a major theme in “Manchester By the Sea” but, reading between the lines, you could see that it caused some unnecessary stress.
Second and importantly. When you are making detailed arrangements how things should work longer range after you are gone and are appointing someone to put those goals into effect, I would recommend you should discuss it with that person in advance to be sure he or she knows and agrees.
This is not always easy and, to be honest, not everyone agrees with me.
If you have minor children, there could be conflict between a husband’s side of the family and the wife’s side of the family regarding who should raise the children if both spouses pass. Siding with one or the other could be a sign that you do not believe your parents, siblings or in-laws have proper parenting skills.
Where children are older or have special needs, other issues arise. Adult children who know the contents of a Will might feel that one of them is unfairly named ahead of the others as Executor or that the division in the Will is unfair. There are ways of dealing with these issues but one common plan which is to name everyone as Co-Executor is fraught with risks of its own. Suppose everyone does not agree. Consider whether you really want everyone to act together or each to be able to act separately. One might act contrary to the other. Often one person needs to take charge anyway.
Special needs children or those in serious emotional distress could require special attention in the Will but also the Trustee administering any Trust needs instructions how to handle future problems. Here, a Letter of Instruction, a technique I have often discussed in my columns, that provides more background can be of great assistance.
The question whether you should let your heirs and Executors know what is in your Will and in your Living Will, Financial Power of Attorney and Health Care Power of Attorney is not completely settled. However, I would suggest that, if you have enough faith in the person to appoint her or him to handle the task you probably have enough faith in that person to sit down and explain what is involved. If you do not feel up to it yourself, you might consider a joint meeting that includes your Executor or Agent, yourself and your attorney. Then, your loved ones might not be caught so unaware when facing these difficult times.
About the Author Janet Colliton
Esquire, Colliton Law Associates, P.C. Janet Colliton has practiced law for over 38 years, 37 of them in Chester County, Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia. Her practice, Colliton Law Associates, PC, is limited to elder law, Medicaid, including advice, applications and appeals, and other benefits planning including Veterans benefits, life care and special needs planning, guardianships, retirement, and estate planning and administration.