Lessons I Learned From Aunt Fran
About a week ago my Aunt Frances who lived in Philadelphia would have reached her 100th birthday. As it was, she made it to age 92 which was farther than any of our biological family had gone in anyone’s memory.
Since Aunt Fran, as everyone knew her, and Uncle Lue, my uncle, her husband, had no children of their own, my brothers and sister and I became the beneficiaries of a second set of “parents” who provided refuge and guidance. Through my father’s death from lung cancer at age 47 and years later, my mother’s dementia, Aunt Fran, who lived a few blocks away from her, was there. We could not have made it as well without Fran and Lue.
One of the key reasons I believe in successful aging today I am convinced is because these two extraordinary people used their ordinary lives to shape meaning and enjoyment. They were very good at it, they had fun, and the memories stick.
The thought occurred to me that a successful older person should fill many roles. If we consider all of these, we realize just how significant the contributions, often taken for granted, of ordinary people are. Older adults act as teachers, coaches, humorists, and therapists to us, among other things without holding the job titles. They go before us to show us how. Aunt Fran was one of those special people.
Contentment. Fran and Lue lived in a row house in Philadelphia. She was tiny but with a large spirit and everyone respected her as the matriarch of the family. They never traveled far but their home was a place of peace. When we arrived at the door, my Aunt slipped into the kitchen and returned with whatever meal fit the time of day. Over coffee and bacon, eggs, and toast or sandwiches, we discussed what was happening in our lives and usually we laughed.
If we needed help, they were there. Fran’s special skills were sewing, knitting and crocheting. It seemed she could make almost anything from almost anything. Dresses became prom gowns and gowns returned to regular dresses. She made afghans and pillows and knitted hats. Once I inspected a pillow I leaned against at their home and discovered a portion of a fancy dress that I had given up. She was the original recycler. Uncle Lue plied his skills in his basement workshop where he made all kinds of neat things for our homes.
Assertiveness. Fran was our consumer advocate before we ever heard of Ralph Nader. If we purchased a product with a defect, she was on the telephone not with the local store but the office of the head of the corporation in some distant city. She was fearless and persistent without being unreasonable. Usually she won.
Joy of Life. She liked Elvis Presley and Tom Selleck. Uncle Lue was fascinated by George Burns, who he resembled, and by James Bond movies. They grew their vegetables in a plot on their front lawn which is free from pests with the help of experts from pest control montreal and sat out on the patio on warm evenings to relax. Uncle Lue had his own exercise routine. He walked up and down the stairs at home multiple times. In good weather, he took the trolley to center city and then walked to what is now Penn’s Landing. He returned walking to the Reading Terminal Market where he bought fresh fish for dinner and then took the trolley home.
When they were younger, she was a “flapper” and he was a private investigator, among other things, during the Great Depression. They married late and Lue said, if he had known how much fun it would be, he would have done it much sooner.
Attitude Toward Aging. On leaving a play once, my mother, my Aunt, and I saw two women, probably some years younger than my Aunt, walking haltingly ahead of us. “Look at those old women,” my Aunt exclaimed. “I wonder how they can make it.”
“Never get old, Jan,” she often said. I laughed and asked her the alternative. Her memory remained sharp. Even into her nineties, she reminded me of forgotten keys and telephone calls I should return.
As my daughter and I strolled through a department store at the Mall last weekend, the experience of spraying and sniffing tester perfumes reminded me of the first times I did that with my Aunt as a child at Wanamaker’s. Fran taught me about perfume and makeup, about enjoying the present and letting go of the past. There are no books for this kind of learning.
About the Author Janet Colliton
Esquire, Colliton Law Associates, P.C. Janet Colliton has practiced law for over 38 years, 37 of them in Chester County, Pennsylvania, a suburb of Philadelphia. Her practice, Colliton Law Associates, PC, is limited to elder law, Medicaid, including advice, applications and appeals, and other benefits planning including Veterans benefits, life care and special needs planning, guardianships, retirement, and estate planning and administration.